Reflective listening
can be a useful tool for steering a conversation, building rapport, checking
perceptions, and managing emotions. It can help the listener listen and
understand, and let the speaker know that they have been heard.
Being
Positive & Confident - 3 part statements Positive
and confident statements express clearly what we feel, think or want without
transgressing the other person's rights.
In other words, we don't manipulate or impose, but allow and encourage
the other person to express themselves.
We take responsibility for ourselves and expect others to do the same. A 3 part
statement encapsulates these principles: 1.
"I" statement - I would like, I think, I feel, I am
not sure, I don't know, I believe, 2.
The reason - "because …" "when you
…" "as …" 3.
Question - "what do you think?"
"is that o.k.?" "how about you?" "When can we do it?" “what
else have you tried?” “will tomorrow suit you?” Here are
some examples: ·
I'd
like to discuss the budget with you tomorrow because I'm away at the end of the
week. Could we meet at 2.00 o'clock? ·
I
feel quite angry about the way you spoke to the production team. I thought it
was disrespectful. Why did you do it? ·
I
felt stupid when you didn't turn up to the meeting yesterday as I'd told
everyone you were coming. Next time,
would it be possible for you to let me know if you're not coming? ·
I
think we need to tighten up on our stationary allocation because we're 10% over
budget already. What do you think? Notice that the question at the end invites the other
person to speak. You will choose how
open or closed you will make the question.
This will depend upon the circumstances, but if it is inappropriately
closed it will feel aggressive. 3 part statements work best when the order given above is
followed. We begin by taking
responsibility and finish by asking the other person to express their
view. It is also important that the
statements are kept brief; it is only necessary to give one reason. If the statements are too long they begin to
sound manipulative and submissive.
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